As of April 1st it is now an offence to stockpile toilet paper. Shelf ‘SHITTERS’ are being installed to catch the shelfish*.

The SHITTERS [Special Highly Intelligent Toilet Trackers of Excess Roll Stockpiling] are being discreetly installed behind supermarket shelves where excessive overbuying of toilet paper has been most prominent.

People who have been charged with a 1st offence thought someone was taking the pee, but when it came to no. 2 they soon realised they were in deep shit. A spokesperson for the SHITTERS said the tracking device has been a massive success in dealing with offenders, the POOPS [People Overtly Overstocking Paper Supplies.]

The Daily Poo!‘ was lucky enough to get the exclusive before we were requested not to publish due to CRAPCrime Report Anonymity Protection.’ We apologise for any offence caused.


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