Mark Hendriksen

Before testing your knowledge in our Poos Quiz, amongst this year’s biggest sellers on the Christmas Toys List more have been poop related than ever. If you’re still looking for last-minute ideas, here’s some of our favourite crap, pee, burp & fart inspired presents. Or maybe just have some fun watching the short youtube clips to see what they’re all about… (some old and some new). We hope the quiz brings you a moment of Christmas and/or New Year cheer amidst so much unfortunate news:

• Gotta Go Flamingo. Seems like this one’s taken the top spot for kids toys this year. An interactive flamingo that sings a toilet song. Then, after you’ve fed it some Magic Flamingo Food, it does a poo on his own special toilet.
• Munchin’ Monkey. A board game with a difference… exploding nappies. You feed the chattering monkey with coconuts and coconut water until his nappy gets more full and eventually (stand back!) bursts.
• Flushin’ Frenzy. What’s the catch? Well it’s extra points if you can catch a crap in mid air…
• Fishin’ for Floaters. As if the bath wasn’t already a potential hazard zone – the name says it all!
• BABY born. Feed this Doll and she pees glitter and poops surprise charms – don’t we all?!
• furReal Poopalots and/or Peealots Big Wags. These doggies do their deeds indoors or outdoors, but at least the kids have to clean up after them and to keep the pee or poo flowing – so that’s an educational plus point.
• Farting Snowman Poop Emoji. That’s it in a nutshell, fabulous fart sounds, also available as other Emojis like a crap Emoji fart buddy (dog’s love this one) or a Father Christmas etc.
• Don’t Step in It. Hard enough to avoid a dog’s poop while out in the park, so why not practice at home? It won’t stick like the real thing either.
• Last of all (no video though) Three poop games from Japan (available through Candysan) include; A Poop Catapult, catapult your turd into the target (plastic turds provide btw!) A noughts and crosses games where, you guessed it, the noughts and crosses are replaced by a twirly or straight poop. Last but not least, a game of balance where you fill a toilet bowl without spilling it over the rim! Endless fun & frolics for the whole family…

Onto the 2020 Poos Quiz...

Simply choose an answer a, b, c or d and keep a note of your answers. Then see how many you got right at the end of the 20 questions. Whatever you score, you’ll know that much more!

1. How long does it usually take for something you ate to come out in your poop? a. 12 hours, b. 1-3 days, c. 1 week.
2. What is the name of the diagnostic medical tool designed to classify the form of human faeces into seven categories? a. The Shit List, b. The Bristol Chart, c. The Richter Scale.
3. In which video game do you battle a villainous poop known as King Poo? a. Mario Bros. b. Animal Crossing, c. Blue Dragon, d. Pac-Man.
4. What makes a poop float? By the way it’s not a stool in a coca cola! Is it a. Fatty Foods, b. Gas, c. Both.
5. Where are you most likely to fart? a. In an elevator, b. A supermarket, c. On an aeroplane, d. In a car full of people.
6. How much does the average adult bowel movement weigh? a. 7 ounces (180g) b. 1/2 lb (230g) c. 1 – 4 lbs (500-1800g)
7. Straining on the toilet could actually kill you? a. False, b. True, c. Only of you’re in quite bad health.
8. How many times does the average person fart each day? a. 14 times, b. 5 times, c. 50 times.
9. When the toilet roll holder was invented and patented back in 1891, was the way to hang your toilet roll? a. Outward, b. Inward, or c. There was no specific position shown in the patent.
10. What poop is used as a facial? a. Badgers, b. Nightingales or c. Wombats.
11. It’s a pretty common question, and now many people know the answer, but who is credited with inventing the first flush toilet? a. Thomas Crapper, b. Stephen Jobs or, c. Sir John Harrington.
12. Which country is generally credited with the first ever toilet paper? a. China, b. Russia, c. The USA.
13. On average what percentage of your poop is water? a. 35%, b. 50% or c. 75%
14. The average speed of a fart is? a. 9km per hour [5.5mph], b. 18km per hour [11mph] or c. 180km per hour [110mph].
15. The World Record for the longest pee is? a. 2 minutes, b. 5 minutes, c. more than 8 minutes.
16. Which animal does the World’s largest poop? a. Hippopotamus b. Blue Whale, c. Elephant.
17. What was the longest human poop ever recorded? a. almost 8 metres [25 feet], b. .75 metres [2 feet], c. 1.8 metres [6 feet].
18. Because opiates are released during the sloths toilet time, they actually do a ‘poo dance’ and get high. But, how often do they shimmy down the tree to do a no. 2? a. every day, b. every 7 days, c. every 2 weeks.
19. Which of these British place names is real? a. Scratchy Bottom, b. Farton in the Beans, c. Loose Buttocks.
20. At Christmas, what’s the vegetable that’s most likely to make you fart? a. Brussel Sprouts, b. Parsnips, c. Cabbage or, d. Cauliflower.

and the answers are… 1. b. It usually takes about a day before a meal starts showing up in the toilet. And it can take up to 3 days before it’s fully digested. 2. b. The Bristol Chart, there are seven types of stools (faeces) according to the Bristol Stool Chart. 3. c. Blue Dragon – King Poo is the toughest single enemy to beat in the entire game along with Gold Mecha Robo. 4. b. Gas, food that’s digested in the lower intestine creates excess gas in the form of hydrogen or methane which makes your stools less dense and more likely to float. ‘Floaters’ are pretty common so generally nothing to worry about. 5. c. An aeroplane, as changes in altitude, coupled with atmospheric pressure, can put you at a higher risk of farting than if you were on solid ground. But, farts pose zero health risks apart from the potential gag-inducing smell & aeroplanes filters deal with it pretty fast. 6. c. The poop you pop out generally varies between 1 and 4 pounds, but is affected by your size, diet and length of time since your last successful bomb drop. 7. b. True. Straining is definitely unhealthy, in fact, straining while simultaneously holding your breath can cause skyrocketing blood pressure or an irregular heartbeat, this could lead to fainting and a possible head injury or worse, so sit back and relax! 8. a. Most of us fart or burp about 14 times a day. Wind is typically caused by air that gets swallowed while eating or drinking. 9. a. It’s outward so let the controversy begin! 🙂 10. b. Nightingales’ [the Japanese bush warbler] poop has been used in Japan for centuries as a facial to keep you looking younger. 11. c. Sir John Harrington, although many people associate Thomas Crapper with the invention, but they’re talking crap[err!?] 12. a. China, although interestingly many Chinese prefer to squat than sit, albeit sitting is still growing in popularity. 13. c. 75% is water, but then our bodies are made up of so much water – so it makes sense. 14. a. You may have been thinking you could elevate a duvet with your high speed wind, but it’s actually 9km per hour [5.5mph]. 15. c. It is 8.5 minutes, that’s really taking the piss. 16. b. The Blue Whale, though the other two drop quite a load as well! 17. a. 25ft [8m] OMG yes even my eyes were watering after learning that extraordinary fact. 18. b. Sloths come down to earth every 7 days to do a poop and an enchanting poop dance, you can even see them smiling, but I guess it’s quite a weight of their minds/behinds. 19. a. It’s Scratchy Bottom which is in Dorset, although there is a Barton in the Beans and a Loose Bottom. 20. b. Parsnips take pole position (a wee Christmas joke for you:)) followed by Brussel sprouts and then cabbage.

Sending our best wishes for Christmas and a Brighter & Better 2021. We’ll be back in the New Year – Please Stay Safe and Well!!